I offer today’s entry as a small cornucopia for matters about which you and I might fuss. (Yes, I count myself as a sometimes-unrepentant sweater-about-small-stuff.) As with all of my blogs, this material is totally (1)legitimate and (2)authoritative, providing you the authority and legitimacy you need to pursue your own apprehension and complaining in new directions. (No, do not thank me—it only encourages (3)more of the same.)
Every spider in your home leaves a mess behind after its meals. Dust-filled webs, the carcasses of its feast victims, random assemblages of sticky silk—none of it recyclable and all of it harder for older eyes to see. To add further to the outrage, no governmental regulations hold (4)arachnids accountable for their willy-nilly food disposal methods.
Extra TV channels
The list of cable television channels available for our viewing pleasure may include all-time favorites such as (5)The Stout Channel, The Motor Hotel Network and Scurvy. But if we watch only the standard channels from back when television was not yet considered a blight on civilization, our monthly cable network fee may be helping to subsidize the viewing habits of beer-drinking motel guests in need of extra Vitamin C. Not that there’s a problem with that….
Everywhere I look I see bald guys. Many of them seem to enjoy this obvious glitch with their heads—(6)we all know what a lack of hair implies, right? Some are even so bold as to shave off all their hair, as though that solves the problem. I wish more of them would cover their topmost empty spots with hats, combed-over hair or animal fur.
Some people are hard to understand, especially the ones who don’t speak plainly. Some of them rely on what are called (7)”metaphors”, word-picture comparisons that are supposed to make it easier for us to comprehend what’s being said to us. Instead, why can’t these people stop beating around the bush, just get right to the point and call a spade a spade?
Everywhere I look on the web, I see wonderful photos of wonderful people, living in wonderful settings doing wonderful things—(8)“picture-perfect” you might say. These stock photos come from huge collections of images that are not actually real people in real settings! The end result: Stock photos render web sites unreal—or even unbelievable.
The motley collection of 24-hour news television bloviators is irksome on many levels. For senior citizens, though, our complaints come from having to separate out the sludge of garden-variety immaturity from facts-based wisdom.
You know about this one already? You’ve been kvetching all these years about every kind of meteorological condition? Great! Thanks to your grumbling, the (10)weather certainly seems to be changing a lot!
In conclusion, I am sure you will agree that something must be done about these continuing blots on our society. Knowing what you now know, you can be part of the infinitesimally small company of older adults—such as me—whose lives of purpose and meaning are only made better when we know what’s wrong.
*kvetch, from the Paleo-Urdu/Inuit kwvvitizzethch, literally “to waste time on imagined bothersome matters”.
(1) Legitimacy is in the eye of the beholder. My eyesight currently comes in at 20/20. In both eyes.
(2) I am an author, which gives me authority. Further, everything I write comes from other sources, and I am pretty sure they know what they’re talking about.
(3) I write these blogs only because of the multitude of cards and letters that urge me on. To do so otherwise would border on vanity and arrogance, both of which are not good things for older Christian gentlemen.
(4) I use this term in the interest of scientific precision, as “spider” is such a loosely applied term as to be totally useless. (See encyclopedic entries for “Schwinn Spider.”)
(5) These television networks exist only in my fevered imagination. They do, however, resemble even more bizarre collections of programming available to the truly discerning viewer.
(6) It’s common knowledge that hair-challenged men cannot be trusted with fast cars, large amounts of money and backyard grills.
(7) This word comes from the Greek metaphora, literally “a carrying over”, transferring meaning like you were shifting a baby from one arm to the other.
(8) In some corners of the visual communicators’ world, stock photos are called “eye candy”. They look really good, but there’s not much nutrition there.
(9) From the 17th century Hindi, pandit, “learned Hindu.” In 21st century usage, “Gosh darn, I’ll learn you a thing or two.”
(10) I am NOT suggesting that changing weather can be attributed to changing climate. I would never want to imply that global warming is occurring because of something different than your continuous grouchiness.
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