(Today’s entry may be one example of the sonder phenomenon I named in a previous blog. My realization here: How many people around me are quietly carrying agonies of body, soul or spirit, in ways that deserve my response.)
Ribbons tied around trees…. In our locale, they’re yellow and red, helping us remember the sadness of a high schooler’s death in an auto accident, and a young man dealing with a life-threatening illness. These ribbons bear witness to agonies that would otherwise be quietly borne only by those directly afflicted.
This phenomenon—personal anguish that’s buried in anonymity—likely exists in more people than any amount of tree ribbons could tell. Difficulties of all kinds—physical, mental, relational, economic, spiritual, political—vex most of us. Most of the time we remain quiet about what’s dragging us down—perhaps out of respect for others whose burdens may be heavier than our own. That seems sad.
The combined weight of millions of small agonies might be slowly crumbling the well-being of our entire society. We could be living in times made more difficult simply because most of our anguishing is unknown to most of us. That, too, seems sad.
Part of “bearing one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2) might be just knowing about others’ tribulations in the first place. Kindness and empathy begin with the simple proposition that we know who’s hurting. Not true for everyone, of course—those experiencing anguish may want to keep their trials private.
Caring doesn’t have to be nosy, but there are people whose healing, strengthening or encouraging could start when we don’t accept “Fine!” as others’ final answer to our “How are you, really?” When we engage in conversations that add deep discernment to our listening. When we look for those times and places where we can be some tangible part of God’s answers to others’ prayers. And yes, when we can give voice to our own quiet agonies in the presence of compassionate others.
So, what ribbons are tied around your trees…?
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