Another birthday’s edging this way, and once again I’ve noticed the small voice inside of me that marks the scope of my life. Unlike when I was younger, I’m not looking at a faraway horizon, an unimaginable ending. (I’m not anticipating my immediate demise, either.) These thoughts are somewhere in-between—more like measuring the present against the backdrop of time writ large. My lifespan as a part of the eons of God’s time. The number of my days coming toward the end of the measuring tape. In less-than-poetic utterance, I’m realizing that my remaining days are fewer.
Here, “the time” is one way I’d describe my remaining days of useful, effective service and obedience to God’s calling. Not just their numbering, but their quality. Their worth to the greater good. The blessings and assets they still provide for my sharing with others.
These thoughts are more like what Psalm 90 relates, teaching us to “number our days.” They help me look back—“Wow, I’ve lived a lot of days, and I’ve done well with what God gave me!” I don’t harbor any regrets, and I have no bucket list haunting me accusingly. End-of-life details seem to be in place, and I don’t fear death.
What comes at me instead—the small, birthday voice—is just a reminder that the shortening days of my life can continue as a blessing and a joy. Knowing that my days are fewer doesn’t prohibit me from trying on new ideas and exploring new relationships. And for sure, I am not sitting around waiting for everything to fall apart. As a steward—my primary self-identifier—I see time as a gift to be used well. For God’s purposes and to God’s glory.
That’s what I’ll be thinking and doing this birthday!
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